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How to get an MBA from Eminem

The song “Lose Yourself” is from the movie “8 Mile.” Although I recommend it, you don’t have to see it to understand what I am about to write. I’ll give you everything you need to know.

Eminem is a genius at sales and competition and he shows it in one scene in the movie.

A scene I will break down for you line by line so you will know everything there is to know about sales, cognitive bias, and defeating your competition.

First, here’s all you need to know about the movie.

Eminem plays a poor, no-collar, self-proclaimed “white trash” guy living in a trailer park. He’s beaten on, works crappy jobs, gets betrayed, etc. But he lives to rap and break out somehow.

In the first scene he is having a “battle” against another rapper and he chokes. He gives up without saying a word. He’s known throughout the movie as someone who chokes under pressure and he seems doomed for failure.

Until he chooses himself.

The scene I will show you and then break down is the final battle in the movie. He’s the only white guy and the entire audience is black. He’s up against the reigning champion that the audience loves.

He wins the battle and I will show you how. With his techniques you can go up against any competition.

First off, watch the scene (with lyrics) before and after my explanation.

Here is the scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gatNLacOjC8

8 Mile Papa Doc

Watch it right now.

Ok, let’s break it down. How did Eminem win so easily?

Setting aside his talent for a moment (assume both sides are equally talented), Eminem used a series of cognitive biases to win the battle.

The human brain was developed over the past 400,000 years. In fact, arguably, when the brain was used more to survive in nomadic situations, humans had higher IQs then they had today.

But one very important thing is that the brain developed many biases as short-cuts to survival.

For instance, a very common one is that we have a bias towards noticing negative news over positive news.

The reason is simple: if you were in the jungle and you saw a lion to your right and an apple tree to your left, you would best ignore the apple tree and run as fast as possible away from the lion.

This is called “negativity bias” and it’s the entire reason newspapers still survive by very explicitly exploiting this bias in humans.

We no longer need those short-cuts as much. There aren’t that many lions in the street. But the brain took 400,000 years to evolve and it’s only in the past 50 years maybe that we are relatively safe from most of the dangers that threatened earlier humans.

Our technology and ideas have evolved but our brains can’t evolve fast enough to keep up with them. Consequently, these biases are used in almost every sales campaign, business, marketing campaign, movie, news, relationship, everything.

Almost all of your interactions are dominated by biases, and understanding them is helpful when calling BS on your thoughts or the actions of others.

You have to learn how to reach past the signals from the brain and develop intuition and mastery over these biases.

1) In-group Bias

Notice Eminem’s first line: “Now everybody from the 313, put your mother-f*cking hands up and follow me”.

The 313 is the area code for Detroit. And not just Detroit. It’s for blue-collar Detroit where the entire audience, and Eminem, is from.

So he wipes away the outgroup bias that might be associated with his race and he changes the conversation to “who is in 313 and who is NOT in 313″.

2) Herd Behavior

He said, “put your hands up and follow me.” Everyone starts putting their hands up without thinking. So their brain tells them that they are doing this for rational reasons.

For instance, they are now following Eminem.

313

3) Availability Cascade

The brain has a tendency to believe things if they are repeated, regardless of whether or not they are true. This is called Availability Cascade.

Notice Eminem repeats his first line. After he does that he no longer needs to say “follow me.” He says, “look, look.”

He is setting up the next cognitive bias.

4) Distinction Bias Or Outgroup Bias 

Brains have a tendency to view two things as very different if they are evaluated at the same time as opposed to if they were evaluated separately.

Eminem wants his opponent “Papa Doc” to be evaluated right then as someone different from the group, even though the reality is they are all in the same group of friends with similar interests, etc.

Eminem says: “Now while he stands tough, notice that this man did not have his hands up.”

In other words, even though Papa Doc is black, like everyone in the audience, he is no longer “in the group” that Eminem has defined and commanded: the 313 group.

He has completely changed the conversation from race to area code.

5) Ambiguity Bias

He doesn’t refer to Papa Doc by name. He says “this man.” In other words, there’s “the 313 group” which we are all a part of in the audience and now there is this ambiguous man who is attempting to invade us.

Watch presidential campaign debates. A candidate will rarely refer to another candidate by name. Instead, he might say, “All of my opponents might think X, but we here know that Y is better”.

When the brain starts to view a person with ambiguity it gets confused and CAN’T MAKE CHOICES involving that ambiguity. So the person without ambiguity wins.

6) Credential Bias

Because the brain wants to take short cuts, it will look for information more from people with credentials or lineage than from people who come out of nowhere.

So, for instance, if one person was from Harvard and told you it was going to rain today and another random person told you it was going to be sunny today you might be more inclined to believe the person from Harvard.

Eminem does this subtly two lines later. He says, “one, two, three, and to the four.”

This is a direct line from Snoop Doggy Dogg’s first song with Dr. Dre, “Ain’t Nothin But a G Thing.” It is the first line in the song and perhaps one of the most well-known rap lines ever.

Eminem directly associates himself with well-known successful rappers Dr. Dre and Snoop when he uses that line.

He then uses Availability Cascade again by saying, “one Pac, two Pac, three Pac, four.” First, he’s using that one, two, three, and to the four again but this time with Pac, which refers to the rapper Tupac. So now he’s associated himself in this little battle in Detroit with three of the greatest rappers ever.

7) Ingroup/Outgroup

Eminem points to random people in the audience and says “You’re Pac, He’s Pac,” including them with himself in associating their lineages with these great rappers.

But then he points to his opponent, Papa Doc, makes a gesture like his head is being sliced off and says, “You’re Pac, NONE”. Meaning that Papa Doc has no lineage, no credibility, unlike Eminem and the audience.

8) Basic Direct Marketing: List The Objections Up Front

Any direct marketer or salesperson knows the next technique Eminem uses.

When you are selling a product, or yourself, or even going on a debate or convincing your kids to clean up their room, the person or group you are selling to is going to have easy objections.

They know those objections and you know those objections. If you don’t bring them up and they don’t bring them up then they will not buy your product.

If they bring it up before you, then it looks like you were hiding something and you just wasted a little of their time by forcing them to bring it up. So a great sales technique is to address all of the objections in advance.

Eminem’s next set of lines does this brilliantly.

He says, “I know everything he’s got to say against me.”

And then he just lists them one by one:

“I am white”
“I am a fuckin bum”
“I do live in a trailer with my mom”
“My boy, Future, is an Uncle Tom”
“I do have a dumb friend named Cheddar Bob who shot himself with his own gun”.
“I did get jumped by all six of you chumps”

And so on. He lists several more.

But at the end of the list, there’s no more criticism you can make of him. He’s addressed everything and dismissed them. In a rap battle, (or a sales pitch), if you address everything your opponent can say, he’s left with nothing to say.

When he has nothing to say, the audience, or the sales prospect, your date, your kids, whoever, will buy from you or listen to what you have to say.

Look at direct marketing letters you get in email. They all spend pages and pages addressing your concerns. This is one of the most important techniques in direct marketing.

9) Humor Bias

Eminem saves his best for last. “But I know Something About You” he says while staring at Papa Doc.

He sings it playfully, making it stand out and almost humorous. There is something called Humor Bias. People remember things that are stated humorously more than they remember serious things.

10) Extreme Outgroup

“You went to Cranbook.” And then Eminem turns to his “313 group” for emphasis as he explains what Cranbook is. “That’s a private school.”

BAM!

There’s no way now the audience can be on Papa Doc’s side but Eminem makes the outgroup even larger. “His real name’s Clarence. And his parents have a real good marriage.”

BAM and BAM! Two more things that separate Papa Doc from the crowd. He’s a nerdy guy, who goes to a rich school, and his parents are together.

Unlike probably everyone in the audience, including Eminem. No wonder Papa Doc doesn’t live in the 313, which was originally stated somewhat humorously but is now proven without a doubt.

11) Credential bias (again)

Eminmen says, “There ain’t no such thing as”… and the audience chants with him because they know exactly what he is quoting from “Halfway Crooks!” a line from a song by Mobb Deep (I did their website back in 1998), another huge East Coast rap group. So now Eminem has established lineage between himself and both the West Coast and the East Coast.

And by using the audience to say “Halfway Crooks” we’re all in the same group again while “Clarence” goes back to his home with his parents at the end of the show.

12) Scarcity

The music stops, which means Eminem has to stop and let Papa Doc have his turn. But he doesn’t. He basically says “F*ck everybody”, “F*ck y’all if you doubt me.” “I don’t wanna win. I’m outtie.”

He makes himself scarce. After establishing total credibility with the audience he basically says he doesn’t want what they have to offer.

He reduces the supply of himself by saying he’s out of there. Maybe he will never come back. Reduce the supply of yourself while demand is going up and what happens? Basic economics. Value goes up.

He’s so thoroughly dominated the battle that now, in reversal to the beginning of the movie, Papa Doc chokes. He doesn’t quite choke, though. There’s nothing left to say. Eminem has said it all for him.

There’s no way Papa Doc can raise any “objections” because Eminem has already addressed them all. All he can do is defend himself, which will give him the appearance of being weak. And he’s so thoroughly not in the “313 Group” that there is no way to get back in there.

There’s simply nothing left to say. So Eminem wins the battle.

And what does Eminem do with his victory? He can do anything.

But he walks away from the entire subculture. He walks off at the end of the movie with no connection to what he fought for.

He’s going to Choose Himself to be successful and not rely on the small-time thinking in battles in Detroit.

He’s sold 220 million records worldwide. He discovered and produced 50 Cent who has sold hundreds of millions more (and is another example of “Choose Yourself” as Robert Greene so aptly describes in his book “The 50th Law”).

Doesn’t it seem silly to analyze a rap song for ideas how to be better at sales and communicating? I don’t know. You tell me. I’ve exposed myself so much in my blog posts. In fact, I don’t hit “Publish” on something unless I’m afraid of how people will react.

When you expose yourself there are many many ways for people to attack you. People will stab you and hurt you. But you can’t create art unless you show how unique you are while being inclusive with others who share your problems.

Originally posted by: James Altucher

 

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2014 in BlabberMouth

 

The Educonomy of Africa

Originally posted on The African Youth Journals:

By Jeffrey Laryea from Ghana

The role of regulatory bodies such as accreditation boards in education in Africa has been to monitor educational activity and ensure that the highest standards of quality are upheld by all institutions within their jurisdiction. This has proven to be an arduous task as the debate still lingers on exactly what “acceptable standards” actually are. With the world, almost suddenly, placing a premium on innovation, creativity and ingenuity, educational institutions have never been more pressed to deliver results in order to remain relevant. The unconventional success stories of Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, who all never completed a college degree, have only aggravated the situation. This, coupled with the perpetually increasing cost of acquiring an education has raised legitimate concerns amongst students and parents alike: “Is a college degree necessary? Is it important? Is it relevant in today’s world?”

My answer to these…

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Posted by on March 6, 2014 in BlabberMouth

 

ASHESI UNCHARTED

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this article is simply to create awareness. I do not by any means intend to start some propaganda against “the powers that be” in order to force their hand. I doubt they even know who I am or care about some lame blog post with just a little over 10000 views. The way I figure, this battle has been going on in the shadows for a long time and maybe it is time it was brought to light. My weapon of choice, social media.

Let us start with the facts. Ashesi University College (note the highlighted word cos I will come back to that!) is considered by many to be the best university in Ghana. It was voted the 7th most respected company in Ghana 2012 by PricewaterhouseCoopers and the Business and Financial Times. It was ranked the 10th best university in Africa by Africa.com Blog. Ashesi’s Founder and President Dr Patrick Awuah was voted the 4th Most Respectable CEO in Ghana 2012. In 2007, the then President of Ghana, John Agyekum Kufuor presented Patrick Awuah with the Order of the Volta Award in recognition of his efforts in improving tertiary education in Ghana. He was also named amongst the 100 Most Creative People in Business 2010 by Fast Company Magazine. Point is, the man has a lot of awards. Now, would it surprise you to learn that despite all the awards and recognition the institution has received over the years, it still has no charter??

FYI, a charter is given by provincial, state, regional, and sometimes national governments to legitimize the university’s existence. Ergo, without a charter Ashesi doesn’t officially exist. Crazy right?  In Ghana, it is the National Accreditation Board that hands out charters to universities. So you’re probably wondering how the university has operated for the past decade without one. I can assure you, it’s doing nothing illegal. Currently, Ashesi is affiliated with the University of Cape Coast (UCC). As such, all exams papers are reviewed by a UCC board. Ashesi uses UCC’s grading system and Ashesi students receive UCC degrees on graduation day.  As one student put it “Why should I go to school and go through rigorous courses designed & taught by Ashesi lecturers only to graduate and get a UCC degree? It just doesn’t make sense”.  Excellent point in fact. Has Ashesi not proven itself as ready to be autonomous? And it’s not that UCC is a bad school or anything like that. It’s actually a very good university, not as great as Ashesi of course, but then again I may be biased.

Last year, it was reported that UCC was going to assist Ashesi University College to gain autonomy after Dr. Patrick Awuah indicated the college’s intention to apply for a charter after 10 years of mentorship with UCC. Well according to sources, the move fell through. Why?? Apparently, there’s a “new rule” that in order to be considered a university in Ghana you need to have 25 majors?? What!!!!! (* in Lil Jon’s voice). And of course, there is no mention of quality in there. So what is the essence of offering 25 majors if students are not going to be getting a quality education?? Anyways, back to the matter (open and close).  Ashesi currently offers only 3 majors. If the Engineering block that the school is currently building is completed in the 2015, that number will rise to 6 and it still would not be enough. Does that mean if Ashesi removes the “university” from its name, it will then receive accreditation? Or maybe Ashesi should rename itself? Like Ashesi School of Science and Business or Ashesi Institute of Business and Technology?? Smh, I dunno about you but I smell tuna!

Now this is not Ashesi’s first bout with the National Accreditation Board. Back in 2008, the National Accreditation Board of Ghana (NAB) gave the school a directive of suspending its Honor System (The only one in the country). The Senior Assistant Secretary at the NAB Richard Agyei told Joy News that the Ashesi Honor System is “market copying of what happens in other systems without taking into consideration what your own circumstances are.” What are our circumstances? What does that even mean? That Ashesi shouldn’t compare itself to Ivy League schools in the US, or Ghana is full of unethical citizens. Or that once a cheat, always a cheat?  That statement I think is gross disrespect to the country. Anyway, this had led some to speculate that someone up there is holding an old grudge with Ashesi.

As I stated in the beginning, this article is simply meant to create awareness. Only by doing so that we can  then start to raise questions? Ask yourself this: Has Ashesi not proven itself to Ghana and the world already? Is the student not ready to become the master? If you feel the NAB is making the wrong decision, speak up.  Hopefully enough people will learn of what is happening and the issue can be settled.  As Phil Mcgraw put it “awareness without action is worthless”. You can take action now by hashtagging #GiveAshesiaCharter on all social media websites after reading this.

I’m now going to reenact a scene from the movie 300 cos I’m silly like that.

King Patrickus leads 300 Ashesians into battle against the Persian “god-King” Nab-xes and his army of more than one million soldiers.

King Patrickus:“You there, what is your profession?”
Regents:“I am a potter, sir.”
King Patrickus:“And you, what is your profession?”
Legonites:“Sculptor, sir.”
King Patrickus:“Sculptor… And you?”
Centrius:“Blacksmith.”
King Patrickus:“Ashesians?! What is your profession?!”
Ashesians:“Ha ooh! Ha ooh! Ha ooh!”

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2014 in BlabberMouth

 

UBORA LP 2

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The UBORA LP 2 is not a sequel to the highly rated UBORA PR3SHA I did a while back. This blog post has no focus and is just about me yabbing on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.  If you just read all that “on” dier, you’re obviously bored enough to continue reading the whole post. Oh and its called LP 2 cos Eminem is the sh*t. #MMLP2

UBORA Awards is only 3 weeks away and already the pr3sha is back  I recently found out from a credible source that Albert Ninepence has bought a tux and a new pair of sleek shoes to go along. If that’s not reason enough to go to UBORA, I don’t know what else is. I mean, Albert Ninepence of all people (no shots fired here, just fascination) – the bookworm of the school, the guy who can sit behind the library pc all day without getting up.  I will literally pay double the amount those ASC guys are charging just to go snap shots of this once-in-a-life-time experience: NINEPENCE IN A TUX. Smh… and y’all would rather go see things like some fake eclipse over the weekend. NINEPENCE IN A TUX > Eclipse of the Sun. Ei Ei Ei Ei. Ninepence  if you are reading this, please which super lucky girl are you taking? #jk

Down to business then. So the theme for this year’s ceremony is “A Touch of Gold”. Hmph! That’s a big leap considering the last two award ceremonies went from mud to muck have not met expectations.  There, it’s out there. I just had to say it. #KendrickInspiredMe.  Anywayz, so yeah, the last two ceremonies didnt go so well according to multiple sources and students are worried their monies will shiii again! Rumor has it, after the last ceremony Admin had wanted to cancel the awards ceremony altogether cos it was a waste of money and had lost its significance.

Enter Michael Fiifi and his team. Now this ASC Committee has done a great job during their reign: Akwaaba Night was a hit, by all accounts; they’ve got an excellent PR Team; Code Fair went well; Friday Movie Nights are always a treat -oh and before I forget, my gal Ruweida is heading the planning committee. Now anyone, who knows Rue, knows that when she starts something she puts in 100% and most, if not all, entertainment committee events over the past year have been a success. Ninepence is the main reason I would go to the ceremony, but I’m also interested to see what Rue and her team have got planned.

WARNING: If you say a Touch of Gold dier we expect to go and find the place looking like King Midas’s home oo. We don’t wanna to walk into a KVIP cos as for that one we have some in our homes. Choosing Holiday Inn as the venue is already a plus, but if then that’s only half the work. The real test would be to make sure the programme lineup is not short of “golden” so that people would get their monies worth. Ah Ah Ah! Ridee I kai something. But ASC paa this 220 tickets dier ad3n? You have a student body of 600 and tickets don’t even cover half of that. Ad3n mo sru s3 mo b3 shi ka anaa?

I just wasted 600 words here that could’ve gone to my thesis, just because I felt inspired. Gonna end now cos I think I’ve said all I need to say, plus I have to get back to class. Wow, can’t believe its been over a year since my last post.  #BlameitonAshesiPressure.

I think the theme should also be changed from a “A touch of Gold” to “UBORA …. even Ninepence is going!”

Outtie.

P.S – Its funny how outsiders thought the past two UBORA Awards were a hit cos they saw some really nice pics on facebook, twitter and instagram. Me dier, all my year’s in ashesi, I’ve really that even if the event is flopping, some ashesi person will put a nice pic out there, making you believe they’re at the event of the century. Check out my ASHESI HYPE piece for more on that.


 
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Posted by on November 4, 2013 in BlabberMouth

 

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GOODBYE ASHESI PRESSURE. HELLO ASHESI HYPE

This message is confidential. It may also be privileged or otherwise protected by work product immunity or other legal rules. If you have received it by mistake, please let me know by e-mail reply and delete it from your system; you may not copy this message or disclose its contents to anyone. Please send me by fax any message containing deadlines as incoming e-mails are not screened for response deadlines. The integrity and security of this message cannot be guaranteed on the Internet.

In recent times, Ashesi has become quite famous for the use of twitter in its liberal arts program. As a result of this, you find classes like Quantitative Methods, Social Theory and Robotics, all with twitter accounts where students can get some questions about the class answered. But there’s another story to this. *switches to Pidgin* HERH I swear Ashesi students dey like hype demma courses for twitter. I mean I get that we are getting access to such a quality education and all but the way students talk about their courses on twitter, e check like M.I.T, Oxford and Harvard courses sef be small kraaaa -as if they’re pursuing their Masters. And it’s the way they talk about it that’s the funny part. Like they don’t like the fact they’re in class, but they want to rub it in your face that “yeah, I’ve got access to a world class education and all”. Smh.  For example, say a student has got assignments to submit, he or she would get on twitter and be like “Pre-calc assignments dey boreee. Gawwwd!!! Can’t even go out cos I’ve got a ton of assignments to do”. See what I did there? They make it seem like they don’t want to care as a way to let “the outsiders” know what doing REAL assignments feels like. Please ooo, I didn’t mention any school so if you’re reading and you’re thinking ‘this Jeffrey boy is definitely talking about Legon or Central when he says “outsiders”’, then shame on you – you School-ist? Hope that’s a word.

So recently, there was an Ashesi Student Council forum where students, as usual, complained about how boring student life is on campus and that the parties are boring and all. If an “outsider” who follows a lot of Ashesi students on twitter had walked in at that moment, he’d be like “WHAAAAATTT???” Seriously though, the way Ashesi students can hype their events on twitter and other social networks makes me sometimes wonder whether I was even at that same event – or maybe there was an after-party after I left? I swear, I went to this one event which I shall not name one time and it was such a flop! Plenty “sausages” s))), a few shorties!! So I get back to my room later and log on to twitter to check what people are saying about the party and can I just say wow! Herh, as if Sarkodie sef stop by come see wassop. People were tweeting stuff like “Ashesi party in the Cave was aweessoomme!” and “Good jams and free drinks at the Cave #ashesi.” Notice how they won’t tell you the party is flopping but they sort of make you want to be there. That brooms cupboard under the school the we have named “The Cave” sounds sooo  (I dunno) cool I guess! It’s got such nice ring to it that “the outsiders” think we’ve got this Fahrenheit or Tantra-like club on campus.  HAHAHAHA!  They obviously don’t know that Ashesi’s Tantra/Bella Roma/ Fahrenheit has got a no-alcohol policy. That being said, there have been some interesting events in school.

And finally, SCHOOL FEES. Uh-oh! Yes I went there. Ashesi students like talking about their school fees on twitter papa. The whole Ghana e check like we p3 we dey pay school fees. You’ll generally find tweets like, “OMW to pay my school fees!!!!!!!” or “just finished paying my school fees.  oh Ashesi go finish ma poppy e money oh”.  Notice the number of exclamation marks in the first tweet. It’s ridiculous how you find students actually excited to pay fees. You can almost see the glee on their face.  Seriously, I’m not making this stuff up. I would like to actually copy and paste the original tweets here, but I don’t want to reveal their identities. I get that the sum we are paying is high compared to most schools in Ghana and the past and continuing students have complained about the fact over and over again to the extent that now if you do complain about it, it just makes you seem conceited. I remember this one tweet where one Ashesi student (whom I will not name) went like, “herh! I just looked on the cheque my dad gave me and realized Ashesi fees are over 3000 dollars”, to which one Legon student (whom I will also not name) replied “translation: your poppy get money take you go Ashesi…. AND SO WHAT??” It’s quite obvious that the “outsiders” have gotten tired of you people ooo TOME!

Guess it’s time to wrap up. So, what have we learned today class? Ashesi students dey overhype! YES I SAID IT!  I swear sometimes after reading the tweets, I wonder if I’m in the same school at all. Y’all (referring to the hypers) need to relax with the tweets. Stop spreading lies or else very soon all the other schools will realize Ashesi is all hype and no action – if they haven’t already figured it out by reading this blog. I do however admit that we do have some interesting events on campus, that have been a success but those are special cases. Rather than actually make student life interesting for themselves so they don’t have to lie, you’ll find these hypers running around on campus complaining that “the ASC is not making student life on campus nice kraa.” And to that I say, HORSE CR*P! They’re not the problem, YOU are!

MISCHIEF MANAGED

@jazzyboyjeff out!

 
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Posted by on October 11, 2012 in BlabberMouth

 

UBORA PR3SHA!

Hold up.

Wait

Look up in the sky!

It’s a bird.

It’s a plane.

Kwasiafo! muntumi nhu s3 pressure na akye Ashesi fo) amma w)n ti akohy3 wiem.

I know I’m gonna get into a lot of trouble with this one, but I might as well just get it out there since I know most of “us” are thinking it. Okay, so Ashesi’s very own UBORA Excellence Awards is coming up this Saturday and I noticed some strange happenings on the campus – a lot of people on pressure alert. At this point some of y’all might be going like “hmm, I no dey feel the pressure” mainly ‘cos there’s this rumor going around campus that most of the student body does not plan to attend the event. And to that I say, hmmm…… maybe…..maybe not.

Let’s talk about the maybe aspect of it shall we. Remember, all this is hypothetical so if you feel I’m talking about you, I just might be- but then again we’ll never know will we? Moving on. CLUE NUMERO UNO! Now ordinarily if I saw a girl at the canteen buying half-portion, I wouldn’t think much of it. It could be that the chic is broke and is being frugal with her spending or it could just be that the chic can’t eat full portion. However, like I said UBORA is coming up and every action needs to be scrutinized! For the past week since I’ve been to the canteen I have noticed that a lot of big, I mean heavy, shit! Let’s try that again, shall we. I seen a lot of plus-sized (AHA!) and well endowed (*wink wink*) gals buying half-portion meals at the canteen. Why do I bring this up? Come upon people, it’s the beginning of the semester. You don’t expect me to believe you’ve blown through your “chop money” that fast. Maybe some of y’all are genuinely innocent and this hypothesis does not apply to you. Fine, no problem. But then again maybe some chic mean the awards ceremony waa – time to wear your hottest outfit and thingsssss. I’m just saying, I barb the move e dey happen. My first thought when I put two and two together was #PRESSURE! Might be she’s a size 10 tryna fit into some size 7 dress for the UBORA (btw I made those measurements up. I know nothing about women sizes). Anyways I was shocked with my theory ‘cos I genuinely didn’t think Ghana gals put much thought whatever “this” is. Keep in mind; this is a hypothesis so it can be valid or invalid. #MAYBE

CLUE NUMERO DOS! (that’s español for ‘two’. I speak small small) Yo, guys y’all need to tune your ears more. The ladies might be sending signals your way and you just might be missing them. Confused? Lemme explain. So I noticed how of late when this “fresh” boy comes around (no names necessary), this gal starts talking about Ubora Awards. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but then it became too much. Lemme give you a scenario: gal talking about assignments. Guy walks in the room. Gal smiles. Gal goes to bathroom. Gal comes out looking fresher (jeez, I wonder what happened in the bathroom *sarcastic voice*). Guy doesn’t notice. I do. Gal starts talking about UBORA. Gal asks guy if he will be around #hint1. Guy says he doesn’t know. Gal asks guy if he’s got a date #hint2. Guy says he’s looking around. Gal says she wants to go but doesn’t want to go alone #hint3. Then gal moves closer to the guy. Guy is not listening. Guy says he doesn’t have money to buy a ticket. Gal says no worries, she’ll get a ticket for him #hint4. Guy say thanks, then he can use the rest of his money to buy a ticket for a gal he going to ask. THE END. Seriously???? If I was the gal, I would just slapped this ni99a right there and then. WTH does a gal need to do a get a guy’s attention these days? Ooof ooof I know! The answer is very “short”. Get it?? Lmfao! Anywayz, kudos to the ladies for making the first move ‘cos Ashesi boyz dey do long things. Some gal bi who bore say no bro come biz am go the awards actually told me that ashesi boys demma moff die. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… der n))))))))). Maybe the ashesi guys need a push eh. Guys step up, abeg. Before the legon boys come take wonna gals all. #MAYBE

CLUE NUMERO TRES! This one dier its about the guys. I know most of y’all are like you’re not attending the event cos its “goin to blast”. Fine, everyone is entitled is his opinion. However I also know about the tuxedos and cars y’all were planning to arrive in when UBORA was scheduled for Dec 17 last year. I know that must effort and dedication doesn’t disappear at once. Yes, the event got postponed. We booed. We cried. We screamed. We cursed. We laughed. As3m asa. But we can’t live in the past now can we? If we cud you’d find me in town on Dec 24! The point is that guys want to show off their “fresh” outfits as much as the gals, maybe even more. Plus I’ve noticed how some of them have started over-complementing (if such a word exists) the gals, probably prepping for the big question “Will you marry be my date for UBORA?” Awwwwwwwww….. #MAYBE

So there you have it. The three maybes. I’m an optimist and so I avoided the maybe not’s. Come this Saturday the 28 of January, we will find out whether my hypothesis was valid or invalid. And open your eyes people you just might notice some weird happenings in the school.

For channel5 news this is @jeffreyJazzy. Over and out!

P.S – I also know some of you have already booked appointments with your hair stylists and barbers. E beye brutaaaalll! #Pressure

 
21 Comments

Posted by on January 26, 2012 in BlabberMouth

 

TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED MOVIES FROM JANUARY – JULY

Underworld Awakening

The year 2012 kicks off with yet another vampire movie. Kate Beckinsale reprises her role as Selene in the fourth installment of the Underworld series. Looks like the series, took a leaf from True Blood’s book, as the humans are aware of the vampires existence this time round. Selene is awakened after 12 years of cryogenic sleep and finds herself in a war with the humans who seek to eradicate both Vampire and Lycan clans. If you haven’t seen the first three movies, please do not go and waste your money or your time downloading because you won’t understand the story. These movies tend to give some plenty flashbacks. You have been warned.

Release Date: 20th Jan

Directed by: Mans Marlind and Bjorn Stein

Starring: Kate Beckingsale (Van Helsing), Michael Ealy (Takers), Stephen Rea (V for Vendetta)

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

He rides again! Nicolas Cage reprises his role as Johnny Blaze, the skin-suit of the Ghost Rider.  Honestly, I wasn’t a fan of the first movie after watching it, because I felt that on-screen Ghost Rider was not as scary as comic book Ghost Rider. Apparently, the film makers also noticed this and have promised a darker, nastier and meaner anti-hero. To quote the film’s director Mark Neveldine “This will be a “darker, nastier, meaner” version of Johnny Blaze, a fellow who will not be throwing on tights and saving cats. He will light the cat on fire though.” We’ll see about that come February. Psst!  You didn’t hear this from me but lucky fans that got the chance to see the movie in November for a special showing had only poor reviews to give. Yikes!

Release date: 17th February

Directed by: Mark Reveldine

Starring: Nicholas Cage (National Treasure), Ciaran Hinds (Race to Witch Mountain)

The Hunger Games

Following the death of the Harry Potter franchise and the soon-to-be death of The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games promises to be the next big movie franchise, adapted from a children’s novel. For those of you haven’t read the books and don’t want any spoilers, think of this movie as a fusion between Big Brother Africa and Mortal Kombat. Bad combo? Well, think again. This “bad combo” went on to sell over 3 million copies in book sales in the US. I do however think that movie-goers need to read the book first so they don’t get confused like Some-People-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (In case you missed it that was directed at anti-Harry Potter book readers yet movie-watchers). Plus the story has got the whole one gal-two guys thing that The Twilight Saga plays so well, classifying girls into #TeamJacob and #TeamEdward. This one is definitely gonna generate a lot of buzz in theaters.

Release Date: 23rd March

Directed by: Gary Ross

Starring: Jennifer Lawrence (X-Men: First Class), Josh Hutcherson (RV), Liam Hemsworth (The Last Song), Elizabeth Banks (Meet Dave)

Wrath of the Titans

Sam Worthington once again helms his role as Perseus, son of Zeus in the sequel to the 2010 hit Clash of the Titans. This movie picks up ten years later from where the first one ended. This time round it looks are Zeus, Poseidon and Hades team up to battle their dad Kronos, leader of the Titans, whom they imprisoned long ago. I love a father-son duel. They’re so dramatic. In case my therapist is reading this, please try not to read into that comment too much. It’s just jibber-jabber.  Clearing my schedule for this one, I suggest you do the same.

Release Date: 30th March

Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman

Starring: Sam Worthington (Avatar), Liam Neeson (Unknown), Ralph Fiennes (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

American Reunion

The original cast of the American Pie franchise, return for the big climax. Jim, Kevin, Oz, Finch and Stiffler -that’s right, the Stiffmeister himself- are back for one last slice of the pie. From what I gather from my super secret sources a.k.a Walter Wikipedia and Gregory Google, looks like the gang gather at East Great Falls High School for their ten year reunion. I’m guessing chaos ensues afterwards. . I must say, I’m very anxious to watch the scene where Jim’s dad and Stifler’s mom finally meet, seen in the movie’s trailer. A definite must see for anyone between the ages of 16 and 30 – I mean this movie basically defined this generation when it was released over a decade. I know for certain I picked up a lot of swear words watching this one. *Epiphany* Holy S#*@! No wonder my parents called me a messed up child. By the way, this movie is rated PG-18, so if you are underage, you must watch it with your parents.  #Justsaying

Release Date: 6th April

Directed by: Jon Hurwitz

Starring: Jason Biggs (My Best Friend’s Girl) Alyson Hannigan (Epic Movie), Sean William Scott (Role Models), Eugene Levy (Like Mike), Jennifer Coolidge (A Cinderella Story), John Cho (A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas)

The Avengers

Probably The most anticipated superhero movie of all-time drops in theaters this May!!!!  I’m gonna give y’all six reasons to see this movie; Iron Man, Captain America, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, Black Widow & Hawk-Eye. These superheroes team up to defend and avenge our earth from evil forces- specifically Thor’s brother, Loki. I swear down this movie is movie is going to  rule the box office for the month of May, shattering records along the way. The film’s trailer has already set the ball rolling with 10 million views in 24 hours making it the most watched trailer of all-time. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

Release date: 4th May

Directed by: Joss Whedon

Starring:  Chris Evans (Captain America), Mark Ruffolo (The Kids Are All Right), Robert Downey J. (Iron Man), Samuel L. Jackson (Star Wars), Scarlett Johannsen (Iron Man) and Chris Hemsworth (Thor)

Dark Shadows

All you need to know about this movie is that it’s got Johnny Depp in it. Now, it that doesn’t convince you to go watch, then I don’t know what will. This is the eighth movie for the actor-director duo, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton. In the movie, Depp plays Barnabas, an unlucky fellow who broke the heart of a witch and was turned into a vampire for it (Twilight fans excited already! #TeamDepp). Two centuries later, Barnabas is inadvertently freed from his tomb and emerges into the very changed world of 1972. Hmm, Johnny Depp as a vampire…this I must see. All hail Captain Jack Sparrow! Uh oh- wrong movie. *Exiting in embarrassment*

Release Date: 11th May

Directed by: Tim Burton

Starring: Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean), Eva Green (Casino Royale), Michelle Phiffer (Stardust), Helena Bonham Carter (Alice in Wonderland)

Men in Black 3

Here come the men in black!! The Fresh Prince makes his return onto the big screen since 2008’s Seven Pounds as Agent J of M.I.B. Alongside Agent K, the deadly duo are back to kick some alien ass. As far I know Will Smith has never made a movie that has flopped – even the boring ones somehow make it on to the box office blockbuster lists – so for those contemplating seeing this movie, this is a no-brainer. The third installment in the franchise brings with it time travelling, as Agent J somehow ends up back in 1969 to rescue K’s old young butt! You heard me; J’s the old one in this one. lol

Release Date: 25th May

Directed by: Barry Sonnerfield

Starring: Will Smith (Hancock), Tommy Lee Jones (Captain America), Josh Brolin (Jonah Hex), Emma Thompson (Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang)

The Amazing Spiderman

Marvel doing it big this summer – wet season, for us in Ghana. Following the release of The Avengers, the studio is dropping its other moneymaker “The Amazing Spiderman” in July.  For those of you who do not know, this is the reboot to 2002’s Spiderman, which spawned two sequels, Spiderman 2 (2004) and Spiderman 3 (2007). Now, I dunno why the reboot, but I’m guessing Marvel prolly felt the franchise needed a fresh start or they’re running out of ideas to make $$$ – next thing you know, they’ll be rebooting X-Men and Fantastic Four.  Replacing Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst as the web-swinger and his girlfriend will be rising stars Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. No word on who the big baddie will be this time round, but I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be The Green Goblin this time round since it’s a whole new story. I think I’ll let my curiosity get the better of me and head to the cinema to see how this one turns out.

Release Date: 4th July

Directed By: Marc Webb

Starring: Andrew Garfield (The Social Network), Emma Stone (Easy A), Rhys Ifans (Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang) and Martin Sheen (The Departed)

The Dark Knight Rises

Iron Man’s non-superhuman “brother” from another mother, aka DC Comics, returns to the box office after 3 years in hibernation. Personally, I think what makes the Batman reboot unique from all other superhero movies is its integrated its characters into our modern society. At the end of the prequel The Dark Knight (R.I.P Heath Ledger) we saw Batman become public enemy No.1, accused for the murder of Harvey Dent. If you want to know how that pans out, then put this movie on your bucket list. Spoiler Alert!  This villain in this one is Bane. Don’t know who that is? Go find out my non-comic book readers. Again, if you haven’t seen the prequels, please try to ‘cos Christopher Nolan tends to give a lot of mind-bogglers (Cc: Inception).

P.S – I hear Catwoman is going to make an appearance. Maybe some romance for the B-man?

Release Date: 20th July

Directed by:  Christopher Nolan

Starring: Christian Bale (The Fighter), Anne Hathaway (The Princess Diaries), Tom Hardy (Inception), Gary Oldman (Red Riding Hood)

 

 

 

 

Follow me on twitter via @jeffreyJazzy

i’m outtie!

 
2 Comments

Posted by on January 17, 2012 in MovieAddict

 
 
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