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Monthly Archives: January 2012

UBORA PR3SHA!

Hold up.

Wait

Look up in the sky!

It’s a bird.

It’s a plane.

Kwasiafo! muntumi nhu s3 pressure na akye Ashesi fo) amma w)n ti akohy3 wiem.

I know I’m gonna get into a lot of trouble with this one, but I might as well just get it out there since I know most of “us” are thinking it. Okay, so Ashesi’s very own UBORA Excellence Awards is coming up this Saturday and I noticed some strange happenings on the campus – a lot of people on pressure alert. At this point some of y’all might be going like “hmm, I no dey feel the pressure” mainly ‘cos there’s this rumor going around campus that most of the student body does not plan to attend the event. And to that I say, hmmm…… maybe…..maybe not.

Let’s talk about the maybe aspect of it shall we. Remember, all this is hypothetical so if you feel I’m talking about you, I just might be- but then again we’ll never know will we? Moving on. CLUE NUMERO UNO! Now ordinarily if I saw a girl at the canteen buying half-portion, I wouldn’t think much of it. It could be that the chic is broke and is being frugal with her spending or it could just be that the chic can’t eat full portion. However, like I said UBORA is coming up and every action needs to be scrutinized! For the past week since I’ve been to the canteen I have noticed that a lot of big, I mean heavy, shit! Let’s try that again, shall we. I seen a lot of plus-sized (AHA!) and well endowed (*wink wink*) gals buying half-portion meals at the canteen. Why do I bring this up? Come upon people, it’s the beginning of the semester. You don’t expect me to believe you’ve blown through your “chop money” that fast. Maybe some of y’all are genuinely innocent and this hypothesis does not apply to you. Fine, no problem. But then again maybe some chic mean the awards ceremony waa – time to wear your hottest outfit and thingsssss. I’m just saying, I barb the move e dey happen. My first thought when I put two and two together was #PRESSURE! Might be she’s a size 10 tryna fit into some size 7 dress for the UBORA (btw I made those measurements up. I know nothing about women sizes). Anyways I was shocked with my theory ‘cos I genuinely didn’t think Ghana gals put much thought whatever “this” is. Keep in mind; this is a hypothesis so it can be valid or invalid. #MAYBE

CLUE NUMERO DOS! (that’s español for ‘two’. I speak small small) Yo, guys y’all need to tune your ears more. The ladies might be sending signals your way and you just might be missing them. Confused? Lemme explain. So I noticed how of late when this “fresh” boy comes around (no names necessary), this gal starts talking about Ubora Awards. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but then it became too much. Lemme give you a scenario: gal talking about assignments. Guy walks in the room. Gal smiles. Gal goes to bathroom. Gal comes out looking fresher (jeez, I wonder what happened in the bathroom *sarcastic voice*). Guy doesn’t notice. I do. Gal starts talking about UBORA. Gal asks guy if he will be around #hint1. Guy says he doesn’t know. Gal asks guy if he’s got a date #hint2. Guy says he’s looking around. Gal says she wants to go but doesn’t want to go alone #hint3. Then gal moves closer to the guy. Guy is not listening. Guy says he doesn’t have money to buy a ticket. Gal says no worries, she’ll get a ticket for him #hint4. Guy say thanks, then he can use the rest of his money to buy a ticket for a gal he going to ask. THE END. Seriously???? If I was the gal, I would just slapped this ni99a right there and then. WTH does a gal need to do a get a guy’s attention these days? Ooof ooof I know! The answer is very “short”. Get it?? Lmfao! Anywayz, kudos to the ladies for making the first move ‘cos Ashesi boyz dey do long things. Some gal bi who bore say no bro come biz am go the awards actually told me that ashesi boys demma moff die. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… der n))))))))). Maybe the ashesi guys need a push eh. Guys step up, abeg. Before the legon boys come take wonna gals all. #MAYBE

CLUE NUMERO TRES! This one dier its about the guys. I know most of y’all are like you’re not attending the event cos its “goin to blast”. Fine, everyone is entitled is his opinion. However I also know about the tuxedos and cars y’all were planning to arrive in when UBORA was scheduled for Dec 17 last year. I know that must effort and dedication doesn’t disappear at once. Yes, the event got postponed. We booed. We cried. We screamed. We cursed. We laughed. As3m asa. But we can’t live in the past now can we? If we cud you’d find me in town on Dec 24! The point is that guys want to show off their “fresh” outfits as much as the gals, maybe even more. Plus I’ve noticed how some of them have started over-complementing (if such a word exists) the gals, probably prepping for the big question “Will you marry be my date for UBORA?” Awwwwwwwww….. #MAYBE

So there you have it. The three maybes. I’m an optimist and so I avoided the maybe not’s. Come this Saturday the 28 of January, we will find out whether my hypothesis was valid or invalid. And open your eyes people you just might notice some weird happenings in the school.

For channel5 news this is @jeffreyJazzy. Over and out!

P.S – I also know some of you have already booked appointments with your hair stylists and barbers. E beye brutaaaalll! #Pressure

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21 Comments

Posted by on January 26, 2012 in BlabberMouth

 

TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED MOVIES FROM JANUARY – JULY

Underworld Awakening

The year 2012 kicks off with yet another vampire movie. Kate Beckinsale reprises her role as Selene in the fourth installment of the Underworld series. Looks like the series, took a leaf from True Blood’s book, as the humans are aware of the vampires existence this time round. Selene is awakened after 12 years of cryogenic sleep and finds herself in a war with the humans who seek to eradicate both Vampire and Lycan clans. If you haven’t seen the first three movies, please do not go and waste your money or your time downloading because you won’t understand the story. These movies tend to give some plenty flashbacks. You have been warned.

Release Date: 20th Jan

Directed by: Mans Marlind and Bjorn Stein

Starring: Kate Beckingsale (Van Helsing), Michael Ealy (Takers), Stephen Rea (V for Vendetta)

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

He rides again! Nicolas Cage reprises his role as Johnny Blaze, the skin-suit of the Ghost Rider.  Honestly, I wasn’t a fan of the first movie after watching it, because I felt that on-screen Ghost Rider was not as scary as comic book Ghost Rider. Apparently, the film makers also noticed this and have promised a darker, nastier and meaner anti-hero. To quote the film’s director Mark Neveldine “This will be a “darker, nastier, meaner” version of Johnny Blaze, a fellow who will not be throwing on tights and saving cats. He will light the cat on fire though.” We’ll see about that come February. Psst!  You didn’t hear this from me but lucky fans that got the chance to see the movie in November for a special showing had only poor reviews to give. Yikes!

Release date: 17th February

Directed by: Mark Reveldine

Starring: Nicholas Cage (National Treasure), Ciaran Hinds (Race to Witch Mountain)

The Hunger Games

Following the death of the Harry Potter franchise and the soon-to-be death of The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games promises to be the next big movie franchise, adapted from a children’s novel. For those of you haven’t read the books and don’t want any spoilers, think of this movie as a fusion between Big Brother Africa and Mortal Kombat. Bad combo? Well, think again. This “bad combo” went on to sell over 3 million copies in book sales in the US. I do however think that movie-goers need to read the book first so they don’t get confused like Some-People-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (In case you missed it that was directed at anti-Harry Potter book readers yet movie-watchers). Plus the story has got the whole one gal-two guys thing that The Twilight Saga plays so well, classifying girls into #TeamJacob and #TeamEdward. This one is definitely gonna generate a lot of buzz in theaters.

Release Date: 23rd March

Directed by: Gary Ross

Starring: Jennifer Lawrence (X-Men: First Class), Josh Hutcherson (RV), Liam Hemsworth (The Last Song), Elizabeth Banks (Meet Dave)

Wrath of the Titans

Sam Worthington once again helms his role as Perseus, son of Zeus in the sequel to the 2010 hit Clash of the Titans. This movie picks up ten years later from where the first one ended. This time round it looks are Zeus, Poseidon and Hades team up to battle their dad Kronos, leader of the Titans, whom they imprisoned long ago. I love a father-son duel. They’re so dramatic. In case my therapist is reading this, please try not to read into that comment too much. It’s just jibber-jabber.  Clearing my schedule for this one, I suggest you do the same.

Release Date: 30th March

Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman

Starring: Sam Worthington (Avatar), Liam Neeson (Unknown), Ralph Fiennes (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

American Reunion

The original cast of the American Pie franchise, return for the big climax. Jim, Kevin, Oz, Finch and Stiffler -that’s right, the Stiffmeister himself- are back for one last slice of the pie. From what I gather from my super secret sources a.k.a Walter Wikipedia and Gregory Google, looks like the gang gather at East Great Falls High School for their ten year reunion. I’m guessing chaos ensues afterwards. . I must say, I’m very anxious to watch the scene where Jim’s dad and Stifler’s mom finally meet, seen in the movie’s trailer. A definite must see for anyone between the ages of 16 and 30 – I mean this movie basically defined this generation when it was released over a decade. I know for certain I picked up a lot of swear words watching this one. *Epiphany* Holy S#*@! No wonder my parents called me a messed up child. By the way, this movie is rated PG-18, so if you are underage, you must watch it with your parents.  #Justsaying

Release Date: 6th April

Directed by: Jon Hurwitz

Starring: Jason Biggs (My Best Friend’s Girl) Alyson Hannigan (Epic Movie), Sean William Scott (Role Models), Eugene Levy (Like Mike), Jennifer Coolidge (A Cinderella Story), John Cho (A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas)

The Avengers

Probably The most anticipated superhero movie of all-time drops in theaters this May!!!!  I’m gonna give y’all six reasons to see this movie; Iron Man, Captain America, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, Black Widow & Hawk-Eye. These superheroes team up to defend and avenge our earth from evil forces- specifically Thor’s brother, Loki. I swear down this movie is movie is going to  rule the box office for the month of May, shattering records along the way. The film’s trailer has already set the ball rolling with 10 million views in 24 hours making it the most watched trailer of all-time. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

Release date: 4th May

Directed by: Joss Whedon

Starring:  Chris Evans (Captain America), Mark Ruffolo (The Kids Are All Right), Robert Downey J. (Iron Man), Samuel L. Jackson (Star Wars), Scarlett Johannsen (Iron Man) and Chris Hemsworth (Thor)

Dark Shadows

All you need to know about this movie is that it’s got Johnny Depp in it. Now, it that doesn’t convince you to go watch, then I don’t know what will. This is the eighth movie for the actor-director duo, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton. In the movie, Depp plays Barnabas, an unlucky fellow who broke the heart of a witch and was turned into a vampire for it (Twilight fans excited already! #TeamDepp). Two centuries later, Barnabas is inadvertently freed from his tomb and emerges into the very changed world of 1972. Hmm, Johnny Depp as a vampire…this I must see. All hail Captain Jack Sparrow! Uh oh- wrong movie. *Exiting in embarrassment*

Release Date: 11th May

Directed by: Tim Burton

Starring: Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean), Eva Green (Casino Royale), Michelle Phiffer (Stardust), Helena Bonham Carter (Alice in Wonderland)

Men in Black 3

Here come the men in black!! The Fresh Prince makes his return onto the big screen since 2008’s Seven Pounds as Agent J of M.I.B. Alongside Agent K, the deadly duo are back to kick some alien ass. As far I know Will Smith has never made a movie that has flopped – even the boring ones somehow make it on to the box office blockbuster lists – so for those contemplating seeing this movie, this is a no-brainer. The third installment in the franchise brings with it time travelling, as Agent J somehow ends up back in 1969 to rescue K’s old young butt! You heard me; J’s the old one in this one. lol

Release Date: 25th May

Directed by: Barry Sonnerfield

Starring: Will Smith (Hancock), Tommy Lee Jones (Captain America), Josh Brolin (Jonah Hex), Emma Thompson (Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang)

The Amazing Spiderman

Marvel doing it big this summer – wet season, for us in Ghana. Following the release of The Avengers, the studio is dropping its other moneymaker “The Amazing Spiderman” in July.  For those of you who do not know, this is the reboot to 2002’s Spiderman, which spawned two sequels, Spiderman 2 (2004) and Spiderman 3 (2007). Now, I dunno why the reboot, but I’m guessing Marvel prolly felt the franchise needed a fresh start or they’re running out of ideas to make $$$ – next thing you know, they’ll be rebooting X-Men and Fantastic Four.  Replacing Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst as the web-swinger and his girlfriend will be rising stars Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. No word on who the big baddie will be this time round, but I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be The Green Goblin this time round since it’s a whole new story. I think I’ll let my curiosity get the better of me and head to the cinema to see how this one turns out.

Release Date: 4th July

Directed By: Marc Webb

Starring: Andrew Garfield (The Social Network), Emma Stone (Easy A), Rhys Ifans (Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang) and Martin Sheen (The Departed)

The Dark Knight Rises

Iron Man’s non-superhuman “brother” from another mother, aka DC Comics, returns to the box office after 3 years in hibernation. Personally, I think what makes the Batman reboot unique from all other superhero movies is its integrated its characters into our modern society. At the end of the prequel The Dark Knight (R.I.P Heath Ledger) we saw Batman become public enemy No.1, accused for the murder of Harvey Dent. If you want to know how that pans out, then put this movie on your bucket list. Spoiler Alert!  This villain in this one is Bane. Don’t know who that is? Go find out my non-comic book readers. Again, if you haven’t seen the prequels, please try to ‘cos Christopher Nolan tends to give a lot of mind-bogglers (Cc: Inception).

P.S – I hear Catwoman is going to make an appearance. Maybe some romance for the B-man?

Release Date: 20th July

Directed by:  Christopher Nolan

Starring: Christian Bale (The Fighter), Anne Hathaway (The Princess Diaries), Tom Hardy (Inception), Gary Oldman (Red Riding Hood)

 

 

 

 

Follow me on twitter via @jeffreyJazzy

i’m outtie!

 
2 Comments

Posted by on January 17, 2012 in MovieAddict

 
 
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