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Monthly Archives: December 2011

DRIVING ME NUTS IN MY NUTS!!!

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My dad always says “The only difference between men and boys are the size and price of their shoes”. I guess that’s why he always used to intentionally dry his big-ass Wellington boots next to my Power Rangers “cambuu” growing up- to prove he’s “The Man”. Wonder how he feels now that we wear the same size. LOOK AT ME NOW DAD!!! But enough about me and my father-son issues. So I recently noticed this fashion trend among guys that in Ghana that is driving me insane and I thought I’d just free my mind because that’s what I do.

About three years ago all the “yo yo” Ghana boys were all about Loafers .At first I was confused ‘cos the way I figured Loafers were church shoes – no offence to my fellow christians- and the boys I knew wearing them were definitely not going to church at Osu on Saturday at midnight. A year later Ghana boys decided that Plimsolls were the new and very soon – as usual- everyone in Ghana had one .  And when that got old, in comes Toms to the rescue .  At this point you might have seen the trend. Ghana boys seem to dig shoes with flat soles. I remember back in the day, the rule was the “bigger the sole, the better”. Since this trend contradicts this, I figure it proves that size doesn’t matter.  Right ladies? And I am talking about shoes and only shoes. Wink wink. Anyway, I didn’t have a problem with Ghana boyz’s taste in flat-like soled shoes until recently. Quite frankly, this latest addition to the trend is seriously JUST WRONG!! Let be the first to say it publicly, VELVET SHOES SUCK!!!

What do I hate about them you might wonder: for one, why the hell are they even called “shoes”? It’s an insult to shoes across the world. In my opinion it’s not worthy of being called a shoe. It’s more like a rug someone knitted together. What’s even worse, the soles are so flat, I don’t think I was ever meant to be worn anywhere outside a bathroom. Yet I see all these Ghana boyz feeling all “hip” walking around in their sandy and dusty neighborhoods with these abominations. Really? This is why “they” are always calling the black man dumb. I mean think about this: oil and water. Milo and beer. Velvet and sand. They just don’t fit.

Furthermore, they look so gay on black people. I once saw this charcoal black dude outside Accra Mall wearing these blue velvet shoes at night and trust me when I saw my eye literally got a sore. I mean if it wasn’t for the shoes, I would have even noticed there was someone standing there. The guy was so black he was camouflage in the night. To get a better picture of what I saw, imagine Shaka Zulu on the Victoria Secret Fashion Show runway. (Pause)…… Feeling those eye sores yet? Come on guys, you have to realize these shoes make you look like boys – the gay kind- and not men.

So my advice to Ghana boyz this week is to dawg the velvet shoes! In my opinion they should not be worn by men – especially black men. Ladies, if you see your man wearing them you should be concerned. Next thing you know he’ll come back with a man-purse and say it’s hip. If you’re a guy and you like wearing velvet shoes, just stop.  Trust me, being the fashion-expert and all, that you’ll score points with the ladies quicker if you throw them out. Unless you want to end up like this

Merry Christmas!!!

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2011 in BlabberMouth

 
 
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