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Category Archives: BlabberMouth

enter the mind of a seriously disturbed boy

DRIVING ME NUTS IN MY NUTS!!!

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My dad always says “The only difference between men and boys are the size and price of their shoes”. I guess that’s why he always used to intentionally dry his big-ass Wellington boots next to my Power Rangers “cambuu” growing up- to prove he’s “The Man”. Wonder how he feels now that we wear the same size. LOOK AT ME NOW DAD!!! But enough about me and my father-son issues. So I recently noticed this fashion trend among guys that in Ghana that is driving me insane and I thought I’d just free my mind because that’s what I do.

About three years ago all the “yo yo” Ghana boys were all about Loafers .At first I was confused ‘cos the way I figured Loafers were church shoes – no offence to my fellow christians- and the boys I knew wearing them were definitely not going to church at Osu on Saturday at midnight. A year later Ghana boys decided that Plimsolls were the new and very soon – as usual- everyone in Ghana had one .  And when that got old, in comes Toms to the rescue .  At this point you might have seen the trend. Ghana boys seem to dig shoes with flat soles. I remember back in the day, the rule was the “bigger the sole, the better”. Since this trend contradicts this, I figure it proves that size doesn’t matter.  Right ladies? And I am talking about shoes and only shoes. Wink wink. Anyway, I didn’t have a problem with Ghana boyz’s taste in flat-like soled shoes until recently. Quite frankly, this latest addition to the trend is seriously JUST WRONG!! Let be the first to say it publicly, VELVET SHOES SUCK!!!

What do I hate about them you might wonder: for one, why the hell are they even called “shoes”? It’s an insult to shoes across the world. In my opinion it’s not worthy of being called a shoe. It’s more like a rug someone knitted together. What’s even worse, the soles are so flat, I don’t think I was ever meant to be worn anywhere outside a bathroom. Yet I see all these Ghana boyz feeling all “hip” walking around in their sandy and dusty neighborhoods with these abominations. Really? This is why “they” are always calling the black man dumb. I mean think about this: oil and water. Milo and beer. Velvet and sand. They just don’t fit.

Furthermore, they look so gay on black people. I once saw this charcoal black dude outside Accra Mall wearing these blue velvet shoes at night and trust me when I saw my eye literally got a sore. I mean if it wasn’t for the shoes, I would have even noticed there was someone standing there. The guy was so black he was camouflage in the night. To get a better picture of what I saw, imagine Shaka Zulu on the Victoria Secret Fashion Show runway. (Pause)…… Feeling those eye sores yet? Come on guys, you have to realize these shoes make you look like boys – the gay kind- and not men.

So my advice to Ghana boyz this week is to dawg the velvet shoes! In my opinion they should not be worn by men – especially black men. Ladies, if you see your man wearing them you should be concerned. Next thing you know he’ll come back with a man-purse and say it’s hip. If you’re a guy and you like wearing velvet shoes, just stop.  Trust me, being the fashion-expert and all, that you’ll score points with the ladies quicker if you throw them out. Unless you want to end up like this

Merry Christmas!!!

 
7 Comments

Posted by on December 15, 2011 in BlabberMouth

 

Some Crazy Black Dude Doing Rock n Roll

One night in Ashesi, i cracked under the PRESSURE of multiple assignments!  I made this video as a way to relieve the stress. Laugh at my pain – yep Kevin Hart stole that one from moi.

 

 
3 Comments

Posted by on November 9, 2011 in BlabberMouth

 

Fresher Pressure: You Feeling It?

World renowned scientists gathered last weekend in Lisbon, to discuss a new strain of virus that has gripped the Ashesi Campus, the Fresher Pressure. I was able to get backstage access as one of the reporters for the event managed to get some key moments. This is what I gathered. Viewer discretion is advised.

So ridee, which year group in Ashesi has the freshest girls? 2012? 2013? 2014? 2015? Rumor has it that the Ashesi 2014 gals have already admitted they have blasted. Too blunt? Sorry, but it’s what I’ve heard. I can’t speak for 2013 or 2012, but since y’all are probably reading this imma let y’all decide which year group wears the crown. I’m just saying, these fresher gals got game yo. Before I continue, lemme make this clear, I’m not doing any konkonsa. To the gals who’ll probably feel offended by reading this blog, you have two options: stop reading immediately or think carefully about what I say. Okay, on to the main event! So the Ashesi freshmen arrived on campus during the midsemester break. As such, they never got to meet the rest of the school. The way I see it, the 2012, 2013 and 2014 gals must’ve been expecting “something” ‘cos everyone came back from the break different. It’s not just the new hairdo or the attractive nair polish or the new skin tone (kind courtesy of chocho cream and soap). I’m serious; the whole Berekuso atmosphere has changed. Now, all I smell is competition and fear. Obviously, the competition aspect has to do with the whole“who’s hotter than who” ish. But then what’s the fear aspect? Is it the fear of being ignored, fear of being forgotten, fear of losing your man or maybe a combination of all the above? Smh ladies. Y’all stress yourselves too much. Now I know it’s not all the girls who feel like this, I’m just saying it’s something to think about. For all I know it’s all in my head. #FresherPressure

Where are the guys in all this? Gyming pie!!! At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, I gotta ask, what is it with guys and muscles? Yeah, it makes you feel “manly” but after that- what next? At this point I’m sure some guys are going like “Mtchew, he no knor”. Well actually I don’t, hence the question. Is it more muscles = more gals? ‘cos if it is, I must’ve skipped that class in kindergarten. I look out the window in the morning and I see all these muscular fresher dudes just standing outside shirtless doing nothing. Seriously, these dudes come out of their rooms everyday to flex their muscles, expose their abs and compliment each other’s bodies (Gay!). Why this ritual? I’m guessing it’s so they can be seen by the ladies. Maybe, there’s a special gal out there, they’re trying to attract with their testosterone. For others, though, they just feel the need to strut their stuff”. Funny thing though, if you ask “them” what they’re doing outside, they’ll say some shit like “I come spy the fog” or “Charle the view dey bee oo”. SMH. Yeah right? It even takes some about 10 minutes to get their towels off the line. The 2012’s, 2013’s and 2014 guys obviously feeling the pressure as I know some of them have started working out and others have also extended their workout routine. Eish boyz! No names necessary. Now, do I feel pressured? Hell yeah! How do y’all expect us skinny guys to make a living in school! I look at Mr so-so-and-so arms, and I’m like “Damn! I better get on that guy’s bad side”. WTF is going on? It’s not like I’m insecure or anything, it’s just that things …….different – and I know I’m not the only one feeling this. So, I’m wondering, is this how the now the 2013’s felt when the 2014’s arrived? #FresherPressure

On top of that people are scared to do anything different from my normal routine otherwise its Fresher Pressure for me. New shoe = Fresher Pressure. New clothes = Fresher Pressure. New Swag = Fresher Pressure. Even too much chicken on your meal at Akorno = Fresher Pressure. Can’t a guy just try something new anymore? Why does everything new have to as a result of Fresher Pressure? Geez! Give us a break yo! According to a friend of mine, it’s supposed to be the other way round: as in the freshmen are the one’s supposed to feel the pressure. So again I ask, WTF is happening? #FresherPressure

This is @jazzyboyjeff reporting for Channel 69 news, over and out!

 
8 Comments

Posted by on October 25, 2011 in BlabberMouth

 

Why I Miss Dankwa – A Truant’s Perspective

My source for this article would like to remain anonymous. For those of you who think i’m my own source, I’m not. I’m only responsible for the editing. Viewer discretion is advised.

They say you never know what you’ve had till you’ve lost it. We”ll whoever “they” are, couldn’t they have given themselves a better name other than “they”. I’m sure i would have paid more attention if Lloyd Banks or Cassidy gave that advice – them being in jail and all. So anywayz, where was I? Oh yes, Ashesi moving to Berekuso. Where do i begin? The fact that its all freezing up ‘ere. Or that there isn’t enough food for the students – not forgetting that the first years aren’t even here yet. God help us. I could also tell you about the water problems we are currently having, but then this article would be all about Berekuso problems, and as the title suggests its not!

When I started Ashesi in 2*** (for those guessing my year), I used to hate the sound of aircrafts flying over the school every hour. i remember thinking to myself “a terrorist attack on Kotoka Airport would be nice right about now”. However as time went on, i began to realize the usefulness of these planes. How they would fly over when lecturers were getting just a tad boring, halting lectures.

Lecturer:  Blah blah blah blah. Now can anyone answer this q- (airplane flies over) ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Lecturer: uhmm (confused). I have even forgotten what i was saying.

I would always use those 10 – 20 secs of silence in the class chat with friends, or compose myself or even laugh for the fun of it. Can’t do that here, can i? Haven’t heard the sound of a jet engine during lectures in  a while. For some bloody reason, they only fly over us at night. Bullocks!

And what’s with the expensive meals all of a sudden? When the administration was giving various canteen services a shot at the job, I was there and i know Akornor Catering Service meals were plentiful and cheap. Fast forward 3 months later and its like the end times – or at least like the ones i see in movies. Did the GDP rise up in the space of 3 months? When I asked “them” why their food cost so much, they’re like “oh, abi we have to add transportation fee”. Uhmm, thanks for the heads up? Couldn’t they have informed us 3 months ago, when we were showering them with praises? At least a “hey, we’re gonna charge you more at Berekuso” would have been nice. I used to think Dan (that guy who used to serve us drinks and pastries back at Dankwa) was a cheat when it came to serving us, but mehn these Akornor guys are on another level. They’re really enjoying their monopoly. At least if you’re gonna make your food expensive, make sure it leaves your customers stuffed afterwards. I always end up leaving hungrier than I was, when I came. And damn KFC for moving in, just as we were moving out! I miss Terrific Tuesdays. I miss CHEAP hausa koko. I miss cheap rice, a.k.a check check.

How i miss the night life! Short days, long nights That’s how it was back in Osu. just me and my  besties: champs, bella, tantra, venus, office………… . i cant even remember them all. It was i was everything i needed was right around me. I hardly ever went home.These days though… hmmm 3y3 as3m oo! I get that the ASC is trying to  spice up campus life but come on, who are we kidding here? ITS BORING!!! “Parties” flop and the canteen runs out of stock (see what i just did there?). My dad actually laughed at me, when he found out the location of the campus. He said “Son, lemme call your gal Aphro and let her know she wont be seeing you for another 4 months” and if that was enough of a KO, he adds “learn hard for me” and chuckles. This issue is a very delicate one for me so i wont dwell on it anymore.

I actually think the incoming freshman will have it easy. After all, u cant miss what you’ve never had right?

You have come to the end of the article. For lack of a better conclusion….. BUH-BYE!

P.S – Again, i am just the editor not the writer

 
7 Comments

Posted by on September 3, 2011 in BlabberMouth

 

Say Hello to the Perverts!

The author of this article holds no degree in Sociology, Psychology, Neurology or any other field that deals with brain study. He does however Major in Kokonsa. This article is rated PG-17. Viewer discretion is advised.

Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. You laugh, but its true. I mean look around you. In the last couple of years, MEN have proven that they are without a doubt, “mujeriegos”- thats Spanish for womanizers – and perverts. (At this point I’d like to point out that I’m still a boy, so automatically i rule myself out). I mean its bad enough that women (not pointing fingers here), have been saying it for centuries, but when its all over the internet and newspapers, its like “Womankind 1-0 Mankind”. To those who are skeptical at this point, I say “read on”.

So where do i begin? Ah yes, Politicians – the men who pretty much govern this earth. We’ve got the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal of ’08, the John Edwards extra-marital affair (also ’08) and Hasta La Vista With The Maid, starring The Governator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger (that’s the best one yet). Oh yes, not to forget The Man himself, then President of the United States of America (*drum roll please……*) Bill Clinton!!!!! Now if u can’t trust your President, who in the government can you trust? Isn’t American politics just fascinating? ROTFLMAO

Across the North Atlantic ocean and into Europe i could tell you about the sitting Italian Prime Minister and his thing for underage girls, but then this article would be “one-way”. Although, Europe IS home to the Top 10 football sex scandals. Mind you, these are the people kids,like myself, look up to for inspiration. Lets take a look at the Top 3, shall we. At #3, former World #1 footballer ROOOONNALLLDO!! For those who don’t know, this Brazilian spent his time in Europe picking up Transvestites. What?? That’s right you heard me. In 2008, he was caught with 3 TRANSVESTITES to be exact! Must’ve gotten this shock of his life, they took off their clothes. Coming in at #2, fellow Englishman JOHN TERRY, for sleeping with the his teammate’s wife in 2009 – now obviously this dude never heard of the phrase “Bro’s over Ho’s”. (Charley these English boyz no be small oo). Occupying the #1 spot, a man i USED to respect and admire (*drumroll please……..*) RYAAAAAN GIGGGGGSSSS!!!! ). Now this dude was found to have slept with his brother’s wife earlier this yr, i doubt anyone can top that!

For lack of words on my part, what say we skip Asia, South America and Australia. (*Christopher Colombus voice*) WELCOME TO AFRICA. Now yh, we’ve got polygamy and ritualistic acts on lock, but it looks like Pastor Sex Scandals are on the rise. Before i go any further i would like y’all to know that i respect Men of God and in no way mean to taint anyone’s belief. I’m just saying something I’ve observed. If you didn’t know, . In Ghana, there’s pretty much see a pastor-sex scandal at least once a month, plastered all over the front page. Don’t believe me, check out next month’s newspaper. Popular Kenyan pastor Dr. Rev. Mumbui Karimi of the Kenyan Community Presbyterian church, renounced his Head Pastor title earlier this year, after he was charged with 3 counts of sexual abuse of a church member. And it doesn’t stop there. In 2008, Pastor Isaac Kyobe Kiweweesi, the senior pastor of Kansanga Miracle Centre in Uganda was accused of sexually assaulting 5 boys and “terrorizing their behinds”. In my opinion -which I’ve avoided giving until now- this is the worst kind of sex scandal ever. Not only do these “pastors” taint the name of their churches, but they also spoil others faith in God as well.

This article initially started with how men are “believed” to be cheats, but changed completely near the end. Usually in my articles, i conclude by giving some advice and ending on a solid note. But right now, I’m still in shocked from reading my own words about the pastor-sex scandals, my mind i s blank. I will say though MEN are not cheats. “SOME MEN” though are cheats- that’s really the best i can do at this point. So ladies, if you put in your heart that your guy will cheat on you, then he really will. I’m sorry, but its true. Y’all need to think Positive. We live in messed up times, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t good guys out there.(Damn, I’m good). Until my next blog -which will hopefully come soon- later!!!

 
16 Comments

Posted by on July 22, 2011 in BlabberMouth

 

2014: DESTINED TO FAIL?

This article is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the my imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

It used to be “where two or more Ashesi students are gathered important topics are being discussed that will change Africa.” Now though, its more like “where two or more Ashesi students are gathered, you know pidgin is taking place”

So I have been hearing from a lot of seniors that the caliber of Ashesi students has fallen since 2013 and 2014 came in. Basically they’re saying we’re not good enough to be called Ashesi students, and with the recent honor code violation involving 2013 students, who can blame them for thinking so. I mean from “their” point of views its like “if the sophomores are doing, certainly the freshmen are gonna follow suit”. Anyway, to such comments I say- HI HATERSS!!!! (not allowed to use foul language here).

This is a classic sins-of-the-father-are-passed-on-the-son moment. Suddenly “they’re” accusing of a crime we have not even committed yet- nor do we plan on committing – my fellow freshmen, don’t let me down here. I mean, can you honestly say that not a single junior or senior speaks pidgin? And even if we speak pidgin, how is that gonna make us pull a 2013 (sorry sophomores!)

Just the other day my friend John Smith (yes, thats his real name), was suggesting that the rise in entertainment/sporting activites probably had something to do with why the caliber of Ashesi students was changing. Apparently “back then”, less entertainment made better Ashesi students. When i heard this my bovine excrement meter went through the roof.  Would he rather have Ashesi be a school of all work and no play?

To conclude there has not been a fall in the caliber of Ashesi students. 2014 ain’t going nowhere. If there’s one thing the 2013 has taught us, its that “some students still hate learning (and the earth is still round)”. Sue me, but its true. Its not as if all the 2013 students were in on the plan. I for one know a few students who would scratch out their eyes rather than cheat during examinations – like Jesus Christ and John Baptista (again, real names).

If “they” are going blame someone for “spoiling” the Ashesi brand, “they” should start with themselves for using faulty logic and creating such “hocus pocus” rumours in the first place. Every single student in Ashesi is “Ashesi material”, otherwise they would not have been accepted into the school in the first place. Its just not every student who likes learning (no names necessary). So don’t crucify 2014 yet!!!

Jazzy out!!!

 
11 Comments

Posted by on April 1, 2011 in BlabberMouth

 

Gay-tosynthesis

If there is one thing i am sure of in this life, its that i’m not gay. That being said, i can go ahead and tell you about this new disease that is spreading undetected around the world, Gay-tosynthesis (a stupid name i made up).

Now, i don’t know when America approved of gay marriages- and seeing as this is a blog and not a thesis, i don’t see the need to research. However, in recent times more and more countries are becoming more lenient towards gays (minus the Arab nations of course). With the fight for equal human rights and all, it seems only fair that everyone be who they want to be.

I do not have a problem with gay people but my grandma does (she’ll beat the gay out of you). i spent my saturday trying to find out why we both had different opinions. Certainly the age gap is a major factor, but i felt there was something more to it all. Then it hit me- #BlameItOnTheTelevision

Have you noticed how more and more gay shows are appearing on televisions? i mean back in 2000 we had Will and Grace (a hit series by the way) and a few flicks that had gay people in it. Currently, its much MUCH more. Now we have Glee, True Blood, dozens of gay movies and dozens of shows with gay hosts – I love Ellen Degeneres just so you know.

Being exposed to all those gay movies and shows at a young age, probably has something to do why i don’t resent gay people. i mean think about it, they are after all hit shows. By watching them we unknowingly form a bond with the gay community. Take Glee for example, the show is so amazing you have to applaud the gay characters (no names necessary) who make it such a hit.

Of course there is the issue of religion in all this. Now this i will not discuss seeing as its a pretty delicate issue- plus i dont like to mix the two at all. But i wonder, will the spread of Gay-tosynthesis change the world for the better or just make stuff worse?

Okay so i’m outta stuff to write. i could talk about the nature vrs nurture theory but its soo – erhm common. i will however leave you with one question though. Do you have gay-tosynthesis?. Just so you know If you’re not sure, it means you have it. That’s how it is people- there is no in-between. Its either you have it or you don’t.

Until my next tweet blog, i’m outta here.

 
6 Comments

Posted by on March 21, 2011 in BlabberMouth

 
 
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