UBORA PR3SHA!

Hold up.

Wait

Look up in the sky!

It’s a bird.

It’s a plane.

Kwasiafo! muntumi nhu s3 pressure na akye Ashesi fo) amma w)n ti akohy3 wiem.

I know I’m gonna get into a lot of trouble with this one, but I might as well just get it out there since I know most of “us” are thinking it. Okay, so Ashesi’s very own UBORA Excellence Awards is coming up this Saturday and I noticed some strange happenings on the campus – a lot of people on pressure alert. At this point some of y’all might be going like “hmm, I no dey feel the pressure” mainly ‘cos there’s this rumor going around campus that most of the student body does not plan to attend the event. And to that I say, hmmm…… maybe…..maybe not.

Let’s talk about the maybe aspect of it shall we. Remember, all this is hypothetical so if you feel I’m talking about you, I just might be- but then again we’ll never know will we? Moving on. CLUE NUMERO UNO! Now ordinarily if I saw a girl at the canteen buying half-portion, I wouldn’t think much of it. It could be that the chic is broke and is being frugal with her spending or it could just be that the chic can’t eat full portion. However, like I said UBORA is coming up and every action needs to be scrutinized! For the past week since I’ve been to the canteen I have noticed that a lot of big, I mean heavy, shit! Let’s try that again, shall we. I seen a lot of plus-sized (AHA!) and well endowed (*wink wink*) gals buying half-portion meals at the canteen. Why do I bring this up? Come upon people, it’s the beginning of the semester. You don’t expect me to believe you’ve blown through your “chop money” that fast. Maybe some of y’all are genuinely innocent and this hypothesis does not apply to you. Fine, no problem. But then again maybe some chic mean the awards ceremony waa – time to wear your hottest outfit and thingsssss. I’m just saying, I barb the move e dey happen. My first thought when I put two and two together was #PRESSURE! Might be she’s a size 10 tryna fit into some size 7 dress for the UBORA (btw I made those measurements up. I know nothing about women sizes). Anyways I was shocked with my theory ‘cos I genuinely didn’t think Ghana gals put much thought whatever “this” is. Keep in mind; this is a hypothesis so it can be valid or invalid. #MAYBE

CLUE NUMERO DOS! (that’s español for ‘two’. I speak small small) Yo, guys y’all need to tune your ears more. The ladies might be sending signals your way and you just might be missing them. Confused? Lemme explain. So I noticed how of late when this “fresh” boy comes around (no names necessary), this gal starts talking about Ubora Awards. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but then it became too much. Lemme give you a scenario: gal talking about assignments. Guy walks in the room. Gal smiles. Gal goes to bathroom. Gal comes out looking fresher (jeez, I wonder what happened in the bathroom *sarcastic voice*). Guy doesn’t notice. I do. Gal starts talking about UBORA. Gal asks guy if he will be around #hint1. Guy says he doesn’t know. Gal asks guy if he’s got a date #hint2. Guy says he’s looking around. Gal says she wants to go but doesn’t want to go alone #hint3. Then gal moves closer to the guy. Guy is not listening. Guy says he doesn’t have money to buy a ticket. Gal says no worries, she’ll get a ticket for him #hint4. Guy say thanks, then he can use the rest of his money to buy a ticket for a gal he going to ask. THE END. Seriously???? If I was the gal, I would just slapped this ni99a right there and then. WTH does a gal need to do a get a guy’s attention these days? Ooof ooof I know! The answer is very “short”. Get it?? Lmfao! Anywayz, kudos to the ladies for making the first move ‘cos Ashesi boyz dey do long things. Some gal bi who bore say no bro come biz am go the awards actually told me that ashesi boys demma moff die. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… der n))))))))). Maybe the ashesi guys need a push eh. Guys step up, abeg. Before the legon boys come take wonna gals all. #MAYBE

CLUE NUMERO TRES! This one dier its about the guys. I know most of y’all are like you’re not attending the event cos its “goin to blast”. Fine, everyone is entitled is his opinion. However I also know about the tuxedos and cars y’all were planning to arrive in when UBORA was scheduled for Dec 17 last year. I know that must effort and dedication doesn’t disappear at once. Yes, the event got postponed. We booed. We cried. We screamed. We cursed. We laughed. As3m asa. But we can’t live in the past now can we? If we cud you’d find me in town on Dec 24! The point is that guys want to show off their “fresh” outfits as much as the gals, maybe even more. Plus I’ve noticed how some of them have started over-complementing (if such a word exists) the gals, probably prepping for the big question “Will you marry be my date for UBORA?” Awwwwwwwww….. #MAYBE

So there you have it. The three maybes. I’m an optimist and so I avoided the maybe not’s. Come this Saturday the 28 of January, we will find out whether my hypothesis was valid or invalid. And open your eyes people you just might notice some weird happenings in the school.

For channel5 news this is @jeffreyJazzy. Over and out!

P.S – I also know some of you have already booked appointments with your hair stylists and barbers. E beye brutaaaalll! #Pressure